"In My Name" (Couch Quest)

Our little family is currently couchless, and so Josh and I have been shopping on Craig's List for someone else's rejects -- me being shameless about used furniture and all -- and in the course of this couch quest, we've sent a few emails and left a voicemails.

I say "we" with special emphasis because it seems the lines have blurred between him and me, with Josh composing emails from my computer via my email account and signing my name....

...That's when I remembered how funny I feel about someone using my name -- to write in my name, or speak in my name. I remember thinking, "Wait, let me proofread that email before you send it!", and well.... "Oh dear, I don't write like that, but he signed my name to it."

I was a bit uncomfortable about it, frankly. However, I didn't say anything because Josh is my boyfriend and I didn't want to offend him; I know how he has been made to feel in the past by past boyfriends and other friends anxious to correct his grammar or spelling, and it's not a nice feeling. He feels, I believe, that it's rather uppity and rude, and I understand that.... it kind of is. Instead of reacting, I took the time to contemplate: why *is* it that I did not like someone writing in my name?

This wasn't the first time it's happened, either. I remember another one of my friends (honestly, I can't remember which one) a few years ago playfully hijacking one of my IM sessions and typing to one of my friends... it was in fun, but I remember being rather sharp with him: "Do NOT type as me! Do not EVER use my name and identify yourself as me!" I can't remember his exact reaction, but I recall that he certainly seemed puzzled and maybe even a bit amused at what he deemed was my overreaction to a little harmless fun!

But it is true: I feel a sense of violation at being impersonated. It's as if I think, "Hey, *I* am *me*, and no one else is *me*." And using my name is a violation of this sense of this personhood I jealously possess.

Hmmm, did I just say "jealously possess"? Gee, those are words I do not like to attribute to me. But indeed, how else can I describe it?

The thought occurred to me then, and now, that there is also a certain jealous God who is very jealous of his name, and who often, according to the Scriptures, would do things to protect his name, and did not look kindly to those "taking his name in vain." I know a common interpretation of this is to say that we should not use his name as a curse word, and I can certainly see that they would indeed be using his name lightly.

But I am confident it also means much more: that to blaspheme the name of God and his Christ, is to do things in his name that do not reflect well on him. I know I have done this, calling myself a CHRISTian, or associating myself as a follower of Jesus, and acting in a very unloving manner. Maybe I was ugly towards a friend, or a stranger, or ungrateful, or even hateful, and wearing a "Jesus" t-shirt, and, "My name is blasphemed among the nations because of you!"

Remember this, it was much easier to not get so righteous about my own name. So what if Josh used my name to write an email, or to leave a voicemail? Maybe he didn't use the same exact words I would have used, or write as grammatically correct an email as I might have written -- and I do say might, because I am sure mine would have had errors as well, just not the same ones.

Because, really, what are those things in the grand scheme of things, anyway? Is it not well for me to be happy that he spoke in the same *spirit* as me if not in letter (for, "the letter kills, but the spirit gives life"), representing me quite well, I might add, perhaps even better than I deserve?

Yes, I do think it's important that we respect the name of another; but those of us who jealously possess our egos would do well to make sure we protect what is really important, and not worship an idol of form and structure like a religionist, like a Pharisee: "You are like whitewashed tombs, which look *beautiful on the outside* but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean."

Indeed, worshiping structure and form is a form of heartless, loveless rule-loving (legalism), in which we care more about rules than people.

Yes, precision is important, and rules are useful tools without which there can be a failure in accomplishing some task. I will continue to strive for excellence, to be precise, to be "correct" in my construction of a sentence, an exercise program, a budget... a relationship. But all these are subservient to loving, because the rules are our servants, and we are not theirs, for Jesus said, "The Sabbath [the day of rest, when we are to enjoy resting] was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath." It was not made to make life miserable for people, as the Pharisees did in Jesus' day, making up more and more rules that were difficult for people to follow on the Sabbath, until the day of rest became a day of work because you had to work not to break the rules accidentally.