My thoughts wander... desire seems so innocent. There's nothing wrong with feeling good, is there?
"Only if feeling good is what you seek."
Why?
"Because your eyes are darkened."
My eyes are darkened?
"Oh, yes. You live in a world of illusion created by human-made philosophy that works about as well in practice as the plot in a bad B movie -- or really any fictional account, if you unravel it carefully enough. You have swallowed it hook, line, and sinker, because it suits your tastes."
But, it doesn't... really. It just feels good in a moment. Then I feel a sad knowing in my inner being, in my center, that I just took a hit of crystal meth.
"It's the same thing, no doubt. Snort it, smoke it -- or, do it 'safely' by not doing it physically it all, just ingest the thought form and you'll experience the same euphoria."
Yeah. But there's always coming down. That sucks.
"Well, yes. Reality is reality. Fantasy is non-reality. Stoking the fires of a phantom thought burns life, just as snorting meth rots your body. Decomposition of another form, but it's all death."
So , chasing the feel good with darkened eyes is dangerous?
"Sort of. Chasing the feel good darkens your eyes. But yes, then in the further darkness, you will grasp onto worse horrors that you imagine are 'pleasurable' and 'good'. But never forget that it starts with breaking the first commandment,put no one and nothing before the Creator."
So I should suffer?
"You call that suffering? You know nothing of suffering, then. Look around those of you who suffer from your lack of attention to loving them because your feel good chase is more important than their lives."
You're right, I'm sorry. When I say it out aloud, I do feel very foolish and childish.
"Don't feel sorry. You feel sorry a lot, and you ingest that poison like it's a wonderful little medicine that makes your destructive actions go away."
So I shouldn't repent?
"Repenting and feeling sorry aren't the same thing. Repenting is acknowledging your error and yielding your will to mine. If in your inner being, you yield your will and truly turn to Me, you will feel sorrow for your transgression, but it's an effect of your yielding to my Spirit, not a shallow self-application of your own emotion. You know the difference. There's a worldof difference."
I know. I do do that a lot. I am driven by my emotions. I run to them when I want to feel good, and then when I've chased the feel good even when I see the yellow caution lights and then the red lights and run them -- I run to the feel sorry to atone.
"Yeah, well, it stinks. I mean, literally. Pungent."
Gosh, I'm sorry. Yes, I know that's ironic. Sorry. I mean.... I'll stop now.
"I overlook a lot. And I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I was telling you the truth. Humility has a beautiful fragrance. False humility is really the same as pride; they both emit an awful stench. Really. I'm not telling you something you don't already know. You can sense it yourself in others sometimes -- just not so easily in yourself."
I know. And I do see it in myself, sometimes, really. But I do have a bad habit of trying to remedy by... well, yes, feeling sorry.
"Well, don't confuse the tinge of conviction, which I do give you with my Spirit, and the runaway feel sorry you immediately start to chug like a strong drink. And trust me, they both make you really do dumb things."
Point taken. I'm getting sleepy. What do I do know? I don't feel sorry, strangely.
"Good."
Good?
"Good. Do something useful."
Like?
"Yield."
Okay. :)
