the heart is no less stout, and the body feels weak. i feel fluttering and degeneration and i doubt i can continue in this path for much longer. as we listen to our bodies, we can sense the general wellness or illness, and more importantly, the general direction, whether it is rolling downward to dusty depths or rising upward to greater heights. we can numb our senses, but this does nothing for us unless we have given up hope, and when this happens, there is sure to be only a short time to the end of a cycle.
the weight of past decisions and delusions of their power in the here and now, i feel creating a hole in my chest, like a poison that seeps slowly into my blood stream. still, the feeling can direct me to act, but what is there to do? perhaps it is well to be still and accept inevitable correction that comes from the rebound of actions already committed.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Images from a Dream
We are above in the sky. The watchers.
Everything looks okay, the sounds are fine. No sound of distress or disharmony. "Everything sounds okay... why does it seem something is not right?"
I say, "no, I get it! Listen to the sounds of the _____. You hear it?" Amused answer: "No! You are calling the ___ ___?" I answer, "No, no, I am not judging it, I am only saying that the sound indicates ____."
Flying very high onto a rooftop hundreds of feet in the air. There are people exiting.
Things are turned around. I suddenly realize that the "hero" I've thought was fighting the "villian" is the deluded one.
The mentor/teacher comes to me, expecting me to help me with
I tell ____, another messenger, of the news in Latin, first, or some other language with which I am intrinsically inspired. "You know who ___ really is?"
"Lucius?"
"Yes, Lucius."
I sense that Lucius has no clue, yet, and is in fact still highly sympathetic to the pain around him that we see.
"Your friend is visiting again."
"He is not *visiting* us, he's *stalking* us...... Why is he here? I haven't invited him for three weeks."
The old white-haired woman... has smiled her way back to youth. She sits with her rainbow-colored balloons and her rainbow... feet or toenails, smiling, her old face much smoother and her whole frame that of a small girl.
"You know what today is? It's the RAPTURE!"
"That one's coming down...."
THUD!!! He bounced. (No splat).
"That didn't make any sense."
"I know! It sounded like a ____." .... "He had that European... smile right before he hit."
"Oh no, you've got to check all the scouting...."
Beer, young men...
"..Timmy...?"
Everything looks okay, the sounds are fine. No sound of distress or disharmony. "Everything sounds okay... why does it seem something is not right?"
I say, "no, I get it! Listen to the sounds of the _____. You hear it?" Amused answer: "No! You are calling the ___ ___?" I answer, "No, no, I am not judging it, I am only saying that the sound indicates ____."
Flying very high onto a rooftop hundreds of feet in the air. There are people exiting.
Things are turned around. I suddenly realize that the "hero" I've thought was fighting the "villian" is the deluded one.
The mentor/teacher comes to me, expecting me to help me with
I tell ____, another messenger, of the news in Latin, first, or some other language with which I am intrinsically inspired. "You know who ___ really is?"
"Lucius?"
"Yes, Lucius."
I sense that Lucius has no clue, yet, and is in fact still highly sympathetic to the pain around him that we see.
"Your friend is visiting again."
"He is not *visiting* us, he's *stalking* us...... Why is he here? I haven't invited him for three weeks."
The old white-haired woman... has smiled her way back to youth. She sits with her rainbow-colored balloons and her rainbow... feet or toenails, smiling, her old face much smoother and her whole frame that of a small girl.
"You know what today is? It's the RAPTURE!"
"That one's coming down...."
THUD!!! He bounced. (No splat).
"That didn't make any sense."
"I know! It sounded like a ____." .... "He had that European... smile right before he hit."
"Oh no, you've got to check all the scouting...."
Beer, young men...
"..Timmy...?"
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
On Being In Love With ____
I love ___. This is not the same as being IN love WITH ____. Because, to be IN love WITH implies that there is WITHness (togetherness) and that in this WITHness there is a circle of love IN which we both ARE, in which ARE both BEING.
I tell myself this because it satisfies a mental and emotional need for DISTINCTION.
But, to be DISTINCT is to admit SEPARATION, to admit that there is even 'an' "I" and 'a' "other". As long as this distinction and separation serves, then it is well. But I feel the loneliness of separation, and so....
....I seek UNION. But I fear it also, as it means I destroy me in the moment of ONENESS. So, I cling to loneliness in fear.
And yet... "....the fearful and unbelieving... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." And why do we not see this for what it is, that it is not a fable, but it is only truth that we know in our souls? This universe is finite, and its end is certain, and our sun will burn the earth in a glorious expansion. And those who have clung to only the material forms will disintegrate, because we will all be tried by fire, and only what is pure remains in this state of pure energy of light being.
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust will corrupt", but "lay up for your selves treasure in the HIGHER REALMS." The higher realms, the heavens, are where we really have our BEING. We are not our bodies.
And there is only one I AM, one BEING. We are one in this BEING, if we choose life. We choose life when we are IN LOVE. "Perfect LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR." I need no other, because there is no other, and yet I am not, but in I AM I am. Those who are IN I AM have eternal life. I HATE only when I choose FEAR. IN FEAR, I fall into the abyss of MY MIS-TAKES.
"Those who keep my saying will not see DEATH." Our forms pass, our bodies experience death, but those who KEEP the saying will not see death, because they overcome death, and pass FROM death INTO life. There is PASSING ('death' but not final destruction) for all, but some, to disintegration, some to life without end.
What is this saying? LOVE -I AM-, LOVE -LIFE-FORCE- above all. LOVE 'other' as equally as LOVE 'self'. In ALL, uplift and bring to the HIGHER REALMS.
"You saw me hungry, and you fed me, and naked, and clothed me, a stranger, and you took me in, sick and in prison, and you visited me. Come into the kingdom, into the higher realms, into LIFE without END."
GENERATOR in HIGHEST REALM, above all is your name, bring your rule to us, that your will of wholeness for the material realm be complete and fulfilled as it already is in the highest realm; give us today our daily sustenance, and forgive us our intrusions and mis-takes that cause destruction, in the same manner that we forgive those who intrude on us and cause us pain and suffering. Direct us away from 'shortcuts' that appeal to our meager physical senses but lead us into destruction, and when we start to fall into backward living, correct us.
I tell myself this because it satisfies a mental and emotional need for DISTINCTION.
But, to be DISTINCT is to admit SEPARATION, to admit that there is even 'an' "I" and 'a' "other". As long as this distinction and separation serves, then it is well. But I feel the loneliness of separation, and so....
....I seek UNION. But I fear it also, as it means I destroy me in the moment of ONENESS. So, I cling to loneliness in fear.
And yet... "....the fearful and unbelieving... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." And why do we not see this for what it is, that it is not a fable, but it is only truth that we know in our souls? This universe is finite, and its end is certain, and our sun will burn the earth in a glorious expansion. And those who have clung to only the material forms will disintegrate, because we will all be tried by fire, and only what is pure remains in this state of pure energy of light being.
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust will corrupt", but "lay up for your selves treasure in the HIGHER REALMS." The higher realms, the heavens, are where we really have our BEING. We are not our bodies.
And there is only one I AM, one BEING. We are one in this BEING, if we choose life. We choose life when we are IN LOVE. "Perfect LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR." I need no other, because there is no other, and yet I am not, but in I AM I am. Those who are IN I AM have eternal life. I HATE only when I choose FEAR. IN FEAR, I fall into the abyss of MY MIS-TAKES.
"Those who keep my saying will not see DEATH." Our forms pass, our bodies experience death, but those who KEEP the saying will not see death, because they overcome death, and pass FROM death INTO life. There is PASSING ('death' but not final destruction) for all, but some, to disintegration, some to life without end.
What is this saying? LOVE -I AM-, LOVE -LIFE-FORCE- above all. LOVE 'other' as equally as LOVE 'self'. In ALL, uplift and bring to the HIGHER REALMS.
"You saw me hungry, and you fed me, and naked, and clothed me, a stranger, and you took me in, sick and in prison, and you visited me. Come into the kingdom, into the higher realms, into LIFE without END."
GENERATOR in HIGHEST REALM, above all is your name, bring your rule to us, that your will of wholeness for the material realm be complete and fulfilled as it already is in the highest realm; give us today our daily sustenance, and forgive us our intrusions and mis-takes that cause destruction, in the same manner that we forgive those who intrude on us and cause us pain and suffering. Direct us away from 'shortcuts' that appeal to our meager physical senses but lead us into destruction, and when we start to fall into backward living, correct us.
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