Tubscrubbing

I'm really slacking in the virtual world that is MySpace: today I finally replied to two nice people who messaged me in *September*.

It's just that nothing in my life has been very constant lately; my roommates of the last two years moved out, one of my best friends moved to San Antonio, and I was on my hands and knees more than once tonight.... scrubbing two tubs and cleaning two bathrooms getting ready for my boyfriend to move in tomorrow.

Did I say BOYFRIEND?

Oh, yes, indeedy.

I've been single since 2003 and, frankly, was thinking that might be the best lifestyle for me. Oh, sure, I'd sought some companionship lately, but I wasn't at all convinced that I was ready for the... BOYFRIEND thingy again. And heck, who knows if I am yet, but the great thing is I am not worried about it *because* he's a great guy and we're aware of our relationship in a way that makes me feel comfortable that in any case, I want to take the journey down that unknown path that is the coupled life, with him.

Maybe it's a cop out, but I've come to disdain labels like "boyfriend" or "gay" or "straight" because I find them restrictive. I don't want to be bound by any restrictive concept or ideal except... love. I don't mind *love* constraining me and reigning in my unbounded desire because I truly believe it is the only reason to live at all. The very essence of life is caught up in the dynamics of relationships with people, and life is fueled by love, that is, expressing your kinship with others in action, making oneness reality. It is living the truth of that oneness, bringing joy to my own soul because I can laugh deep in my soul when I real-ize my happiness is only real-ized when I am actively engaged in letting God's love flow out of me to others.

So, what are the rules in our relationship? Who knows! We have discussed various things, and I think we both know where we want to be and what we accept in each other and in our us-ness. But the bottom line is, I don't want to approach it like a set of rules... because I am not in love with a set of rules; I'm in love with Josh! I know if I do, it will cheat our relationship from being anything other than a "normal" one. And I don't want normal. I want it to be bound by nothing but love for him and his love for me. Because ultimately, those directed actions of goodwill to each other are expressions of our love for ourselves.

I don't want to impose my needs on him, nor do I want his imposed on me. That is not to say I don't want to give him his desires. I do. It is to say, rather, that I want to more than anything for him to be him because that will make me happy.... whether apart or together.

Because, really, if we have an honest relationship that is fully accepting, I have no doubt that, in whatever form, we cannot *not* be together. It would simply be impossible, because true unity cannot be broken, certainly not in mere physical separation.