It is finished

I can see that all my fruit has been corrupt. All my influence on people in the world has been destructive. I've brought disease, laziness, selfishness, and strife and dissent into people's lives. All those under my sphere of influence are failing and becoming more and more corrupt. And, corrupt fruit is evidence of a corrupt tree. Even when I've thought I've repented, I apparently have still held onto corruption, bringing my own demons of strife and dissent into doctrinal issues. I did this internally at FUPC-Euless, externally with Sosal, and I've sowed the seeds of division because of my own sins, hating to be reproved for my error, like Cain. I'm a filthy, depraved, abomination, self-deceived for many years, and without hope -- unless God intervenes and is merciful. But I don't know if I can trust myself again.